The other day I met a sixty-one-year-old lady. For two hours she talked about how her very good friend has been disrespecting her every day for the past week. I listened attentively, because if felt she needed someone on whom to unload her frustration. She spoke also about her ex-boyfriends and how they all took advantage of her. She said she wasn’t going to take it and would get rid of them, though I wondered if she would find another who would do the same thing.
She continued to say how her friend was just like her mother and treated her just the way her mother always treats her. She expressed that she was a spiritual person, not religious anymore, but that she sought knowledge. At this point I tried to help her see and understand where her deep emotions were coming from, but each time I tried, she quickly changed the subject to her problems. She in no way wanted to hear what I had to say. Rather she wanted to continue to hear herself talk about how she was a victim of their friendship and how she was being mistreated. To me it was very clear that this beautiful soul was stuck in the same old patterns. She kept on finding people, male and female, who made her feel like a victim, just as her mother had been doing for many years.
It doesn’t matter what age we are. We can go through life creating the same situation in our lives, day after day, relationship after relationship, episode after episode. If we can’t be honest and truthful with ourselves, then we can’t move forward. If for one second we don’t want to sit down and ask ourselves how it turned out this way, how I contributed to this situation, what my part is in this, then we won’t be able to stop these patterns. Remember that in a relationship there are two people. It’s as important to know what you are doing or not doing as it is to be aware of what the other person is doing or not doing. It’s as important to know what your responsibility is as it is to know the other person’s. Nothing will change if you consistently choose to point fingers and never take responsibility for your doings and non-doings.
I would like to share a personal example, which involves a dream I had a few weeks ago. I dreamed that I was standing next to my ex-husband. When I saw him I remembered that I had had this dream the night before but failed to speak with him. This night I was being given another chance to speak my peace, and so I did.
In my dream I asked him, “Have you forgiven me?” To which he very quickly responded, “No, have you?” I said, “Yes I have. I have not only forgiven you, but I have also forgiven me. Remember there were two of us in the relationship. I was really hoping now that you are married and had kids that you would have forgiven yourself and me.”
At this point I woke up. I have never seen or spoken to my ex-husband since we divorced almost fifteen years ago. I truly wish him peace and happiness, and the only way I could convey this to him was in my dream. I’m grateful to the universe to have been given this chance—twice!
So, after sharing this dream with a very good friend, she asked, “What does he have to forgive you for?” Oh so many things: lack of communication, lack of attention, of affection, of honesty, of compassion. I dare not go on. The point is if we don’t claim our own responsibility we can’t make room for awareness and we will continue the same old patterns with different people and different situations all through our lives. The lady I met will continue being a victim with everyone she meets unless she finds the courage to embrace herself with love and compassion and take responsibility for manifesting the same victim circumstances for herself.
Look back into your past and the different people who have come and gone in your life. What patterns are there?
Are you tired of repeating the same old patterns? Are you ready to let go and move on? Every day is a great day to let go of what is holding us back and to move forward. Meditation is a great tool for finding peace and quiet in our minds so we can get to the true source of our manifestation. I teach meditation on Thursday and Saturday mornings in Corona, CA.
I also offer private hands-on energy healing sessions. Book your session here!